Personal and wellbeing coach, trainer and author ELISABETTA FRANZOSO motivates you to take stock of the present and set goals for the future for personal and professional success in 2010.

If you’re working too hard and have no time for fun, you’re not alone. It’s all too easy to stray away from our goals as life overtakes them. But blaming others or circumstance is disempowering and won’t get you anywhere. You are personally responsible for how your life turns out.

Take a Life Inventory Understand what you’d like to change about yourself and your life. A professional coach can help you determine which areas of your life need support and strategise a plan for change.

Adopt a Positive Attitude Is your cup half empty or half full? The second we acknowledge our life is rich – no matter our present circumstances – our perception of the world automatically improves. Positive people attract positive energy. Positive events then start to happen.

Step Outside Your Comfort Zone Most people do what they know best, rather than what is best. Fear of the unknown can keep you in a rut. Starting something new can make you feel awkward, but by embracing and understanding your fear you’ll deal with it.

Exude Confidence Be conscious of how you project yourself. A confident person is a magnet for good things. Even if you don’t feel confident, acting as though you’re already achieving your aims will propel you forward in life.

Be Pro-Active Think, reflect and then act! Don’t wait for someone else to change your life. Successful people make up their own minds. The more choices you make, the freer you’ll be.

Set Clear Goals Decide exactly what you want to change or achieve. By clearly understanding your objectives and their purpose you’ll able to work out the relevant strategy to achieve your goals. Knowing what you want may take time. If you could make one change in the next three months, what would it be? Be patient and keep meditating on the question if you can’t figure out the answer.

Use a Self-Evaluation Tool Evaluate your progress every three months. First, by using the above Life Inventory technique and then by checking in with your coach. Others see us more clearly than we see ourselves, so always make use of your coach to check on your progress and strategise short and long term goals.  

Elisabetta Franzoso BA, Dipl.Psych, MSocSc Author of Stella’s Mum Gets Her Groove Back available at bookstores and www.amazon.com
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Join Elisabetta’s public workshops, Communication in 4Dimensions at Singapore Institute of Management. For further information email info@insideoutyou.com or call 6465 4605.

Elisabetta Franzoso is a highly self-driven coach and motivator who focuses on communication, self-expression and wellbeing. Her passion is to empower people to achieve excellence and transformation from the inside out. To complete your Well-Being Inventory Index and get your detailed personal Health and Wellness Assessment, contact Elisabetta and her team of professional Life Coaches, Psychological Counsellors, Fitness Trainers, Nutritionists, Physicians and Body Therapists.

Personal and wellbeing coach, trainer and author ELISABETTA FRANZOSO explains how you can assess your health, wellness and vitality.

Being in good health is not just a gauge of how physically fit you are, it’s also a measure of your mental, emotional and relational welfare. These four major dimensions determine your overall wellbeing and any change can only happen from the inside out.

Reality Check To be in a state of wellbeing doesn’t necessarily mean you have to be strong, successful, young, brave or illness-free. In fact, you can be physically handicapped and still live in a state of wellbeing. No matter your current situation, it’s never too late to start appreciating yourself as an individual – ready for growth and personal change, to move toward a more positive and happier life.

Insight While you might lack physical symptoms, you can still be depressed, tense, anxious, bored or generally unhappy with your life. These emotional states can take a toll on your body’s resistance, often setting the stage for physical disease to surface. These same feelings can also lead to alcohol and drug abuse, as well as smoking and overeating. Such behaviour is usually a silent cry from someone starved for love and affection, a stimulating environment, a sense of purpose or overall self-acceptance.

Result Physical illness and substance abuse is not the main problem, in fact it’s just the tip of the iceberg. The root of the problem is not achieving wellbeing in the four major dimensions – physical, mental, emotional and relational. It’s also the subconscious’ way of alerting the conscious all is not well with your mind, body and spirit.

Moving Forward Modern medicine practises at a superficial level, focusing on treating and eliminating any trace of physical illness and disease. While this is important, it’s not enough. It’s essential to uncover the crux of the situation and address the real needs. To gain true wellbeing start by embracing the following steps – awareness, self-responsibility, action, focus and discipline.  

Before you embark on a journey of life-long wellbeing, ask yourself:

Q: What’s the first move to achieving wellbeing in all four dimensions?

A: Let go of denial and understand the present level of your personal wellbeing.

Q: How can I become aware of my present level of personal wellbeing?

A: By undertaking the Well-being Inventory Index and discussing it with your coach, who’ll guide you through the steps necessary to achieve lasting health, vitality and a successful lifestyle.

Elisabetta Franzoso BA, Dipl.Psych, MSocSc Author of Stella’s Mum Gets Her Groove Back available at bookstores and www.amazon.com
SIGN UP NOW!
Join Elisabetta’s public workshops, Communication in 4Dimensions at Singapore Institute of Management. For further information email info@insideoutyou.com or call 6465 4605.

Elisabetta Franzoso is a highly self-driven coach and motivator who focuses on communication, self-expression and wellbeing. Her passion is to empower people to achieve excellence and transformation from the inside out. To complete your Well-Being Inventory Index and get your detailed personal Health and Wellness Assessment, contact Elisabetta and her team of professional Life Coaches, Psychological Counsellors, Fitness Trainers, Nutritionists, Physicians and Body Therapists.

Personal and wellbeing coach, trainer and author ELISABETTA FRANZOSO encourages us to change others, by first changing ourselves.

The secret to a successful relationship is you! Decide what change you want to see, embrace the responsibility to adopt those qualities and witness the miracle as everyone around you starts complying. 

Reality Check

1.       Have you ever been frustrated with someone’s behaviour?

2.       Did you wish they would change their mannerisms or certain aspects of their personality?

3.       Do you feel “out of control” when it comes to your relationships with others?

Most times we find it easy to deal with our own faults, yet feel helpless when it comes to changing or managing another person. But this is because the only thing we’re in control of managing is ourselves. We cannot be responsible for the actions of another.
Insight The best way to help someone you love change is by learning to change and manage yourself first. Remember the wise words of Mahatma Ghandi, “We need to be the change we want to see in the world”. In other words, the only way to improve situations and encourage those around us to treat us the way we wish to be treated, is to first work on improving ourselves!

Result If you’d like another person to be more positive, generous and caring, adopt and exercise such attitudes first. Channel your energy, focusing on how you want someone to be, not what you don’t want them to be. As Dale Carnegie, author of How to Win Friends and Influence People says, ”When criticism is minimised and praise emphasised, the good things people do will be reinforced and the poorer things will atrophy for lack of attention.”

Moving Forward 

·         Visualise the new positive experience. Feel the same joy in your heart and mind you expect to experience when the results materialise – get excited about it!

·         Reward good behaviour. Instead of nitpicking every negative thing someone does, start highlighting their positive points and praise them. This will inspire the other person to do more of the same.

·         Implement these steps in the next 48 hours. Once you realise this method of self-improvement works, your life will be a lot more enjoyable!

 
Elisabetta Franzoso BA, Dipl.Psych, MSocSc Author of Stella’s Mum Gets Her Groove Back available at bookstores and www.amazon.com
SIGN UP NOW!
Join Elisabetta’s public workshops, Communication in 4Dimensions at Singapore Institute of Management. For further information email info@insideoutyou.com or call 6465 4605.

Elisabetta Franzoso is a highly self-driven coach and motivator who focuses on communication, self-expression and wellbeing. Her passion is to empower people to achieve excellence and transformation from the inside out. To complete your Well-Being Inventory Index and get your detailed personal Health and Wellness Assessment, contact Elisabetta and her team of professional Life Coaches, Psychological Counsellors, Fitness Trainers, Nutritionists, Physicians and Body Therapists.

Personal and wellbeing coach, trainer and author ELISABETTA FRANZOSO reveals how balance can be the key to personal freedom.

Ask yourself: “How balanced is my life?”

Reality Check
It’s good to be ambitious. But when the desire to excel professionally overrides everything else in life, whatever you choose to neglect will deteriorate. And when you try your best to rectify the situation,  may it be restoring a broken relationship or needing personal time to recuperate, your actions may be too little too late. Feeling disheartened, you’ll be tempted to throw yourself back into work – ending up exactly where you started.

Insight
In today’s fast-paced world we face so many attractive options, demands and distractions a balanced life may seem unachievable. Yet nobody wants to feel out of balance as it prevents you from enjoying life to the fullest. If you’ve put everything else in life on hold to climb the corporate ladder or make more money, you’re committing a crucial error. Enjoying proper rest, looking after your physical, intellectual and emotional wellbeing and spending quality time with loved ones actually adds to your productivity, happiness and life success!

Result
Once you’ve conditioned yourself to accept this principle, apply it daily. Share yourself equally in all aspects of your life – family, career, health, wealth, spiritual maturity, romance and fun.

Moving Forward
Change your life today by taking the following steps:

·          Schedule a day and time each week dedicated to your personal care. Do the same for your loved ones, career, health and spiritual practices. Remember, if you do not choose to make the time to do something you really want to do, it might never happen!

·         Choose a special space in your home where you can relax and reflect on daily events, meditate or pray. Focus on everything in life you are grateful for. Ask yourself what you really want and picture the ideal outcome.

·         Observe your thoughts. Do you focus on what is not there rather than what is there? Are you confident and patient, or do you tend to be driven by limiting beliefs, anxiety and worries? Switch your thoughts to something positive.

Remember, nobody has control over your life but you. So take charge and

live the life you want!  

Elisabetta Franzoso BA, Dipl.Psych, MSocSc Author of Stella’s Mum Gets Her Groove Back available at bookstores and www.amazon.com
SIGN UP NOW!
Join Elisabetta’s public workshops, Communication in 4Dimensions at Singapore Institute of Management. For further information email info@insideoutyou.com or call 6465 4605.

Elisabetta Franzoso is a highly self-driven coach and motivator who focuses on communication, self-expression and wellbeing. Her passion is to empower people to achieve excellence and transformation from the inside out. To complete your Well-Being Inventory Index and get your detailed personal Health and Wellness Assessment, contact Elisabetta and her team of professional Life Coaches, Psychological Counsellors, Fitness Trainers, Nutritionists, Physicians and Body Therapists.

Personal and wellbeing coach, trainer and author ELISABETTA FRANZOSO reveals how being assertive can bring you respect, success and personal freedom.

 

Assertiveness is the ability to directly express our thoughts, feelings and needs with clarity and honesty – without disrespecting the rights and feelings of others.

Reality Check When you cannot stand up for yourself you are seen as passive. But if you do so by stepping on someone else’s toes, you’ll be judged as aggressive. The reluctance to be assertive often stems from confusing this trait with “aggression”. But assertiveness and aggression are not the same. Imagine you are at the cinema, the person sitting next to you is talking and you cannot hear the film. An aggressive response might be, “Shut-up!”. While an assertive response could be, “Will you please stop talking, we can’t hear the movie”. The first reply is hostile and is sure to breed hostility. The second is honest and firm, yet also respectful – inspiring respect in return.

Insight Society doesn’t approve of angry outbursts. But by blocking our real feelings, we build tension, which affects our bodies and eventually surfaces as illness. Very often people who have become passive or “covertly angry” may have unsatisfactory relationships, suffer from depression as a result of low self-esteem and be inhibited and lack confidence, fuelling resentment and vindictiveness.

Result Use the services of a coach to help you gain a true awareness of the real meaning and purpose of assertive communication. Assertiveness can be developed later in life through communication coaching, which teaches assertiveness, among many other life skills.

Moving Forward Developing the ability to respond with an honest “no” or daring “to ask” in the first place,are some examples of assertiveness. Expressing your own needs, posing appropriate questions, or even expressing an unpopular – but honest – opinion, are among our rights as human beings. To refrain from doing so undermines our peace of mind, self-esteem and the body’s natural inclination towards balance. Cultural norms may be at play on occasions, but let’s stop blaming culture entirely. A “cultural clash” can become a useful excuse to remain stuck within our old belief systems about assertiveness and to avoid taking the responsibility of making the effort needed to transform.

 

Elisabetta Franzoso BA, Dipl.Psych, MSocSc Author of Stella’s Mum Gets Her Groove Back available at bookstores and www.amazon.com
SIGN UP NOW!
Join Elisabetta’s public workshops, Communication in 4Dimensions at Singapore Institute of Management. For further information email info@insideoutyou.com or call 6465 4605.

Elisabetta Franzoso is a highly self-driven coach and motivator who focuses on communication, self-expression and wellbeing. Her passion is to empower people to achieve excellence and transformation from the inside out. To complete your Well-Being Inventory Index and get your detailed personal Health and Wellness Assessment, contact Elisabetta and her team of professional Life Coaches, Psychological Counsellors, Fitness Trainers, Nutritionists, Physicians and Body Therapists.

Anger is a natural and powerful emotion, but often times, people don’t express anger. Many are afraid of anger and they simply live a life judging it as an emotion to be avoided or pushed away.
Indeed anger has a way of expressing itself on its own. Letting anger express itself freely is unhealthy and can have negative consequences not only for the ones living around you but for yourself as well.
          A person who lets his anger express out of control (and myself - I was one of those!) can certainly tell you how draining it is afterward. It can be physically, intellectually and emotionally tiring, and often it leads to a real emotional breakdown.
          This is why, it is important to express our anger in a way where we are in control of the this powerful emotions, and not the other way around. This is where assertiveness skills and learning how to be assertive comes into play.

What is Assertiveness? 
What is assertive? What does being assertive mean to you? Some think of assertiveness as being over bearing. There are many others on the contrary who identify assertiveness with being strong and in charge of circumstances and events.
           I believe that it is important to point out the huge and relevant difference between expressing anger assertively and expressing it aggressively.
           Assertive communication skills have to do first with taking responsibility of (recognizing and admitting) the angry feelings which dwells in each of us as human beings; second with expressing how ‘you feel’ while being in control of those feelings. Being assertive in expressing anger means being able to tell the subject of your anger what you want and need and what they can do to help you resolve the underlying issue that is causing you anger or frustration.
           Communicating this clearly is always better than getting into a tirade of eruptive behaviors. Remember: avoiding communicating your anger in an assertive way can be a possible alternative too. You better ask yourself though if this choice will lead you to dissipate the anger in you or to build more of it in your physical being.

Managing Anger using Assertiveness Skills
Often we become angry because we do not like the way situations have been handled or we do not appreciate the way we are being treated. Instead of getting haphazardly angry, you can try to communicate in honesty with the other person about the situation. Perhaps, the other person is unaware of your needs or is unaware that he/she is upsetting you. You have nothing to lose by being assertive and explaining your point of view and what you want.
          Using assertiveness skills in this way means being able to master your emotions and to express such emotions in rational manners. Being composed and logic ensures that you get your point across without getting your anger across as well.
          Of course, it will always be challenging to think straight when one is angry or deeply irritated. It may temporarily take a sort of what I call ‘time out’ and apply some anger management techniques instead! It may feel good to lash out at someone in anger, but this is the challenge and art of mastering assertiveness.
          Developing assertiveness skills will take time, but the more you use assertive communication skills in dealing with anger, the better your assertiveness skills will get. Like most life skills, assertiveness skills can be developed or enhanced over time.
          And once you learn how to calmly assert yourself, it will take a life of its own. It will enable you to express yourself confidently, clarify your healthy boundaries in couple, and allow you to get what you want without resorting to whining, childish behaviors, and more importantly, getting into excessive fits of anger or frustration.
          Most of all it will make you capable to become deeply honest with yourself first and then with those around you. And…..believe it or not it will make you gain respect and love in family and at work. 

 
Elisabetta Franzoso BA, Dipl.Psych, MSocSc Author of Stella’s Mum Gets Her Groove Back available at bookstores and www.amazon.com
SIGN UP NOW!
Join Elisabetta’s public workshops, Communication in 4Dimensions at Singapore Institute of Management. For further information email info@insideoutyou.com or call 6465 4605.

Elisabetta Franzoso is a highly self-driven coach and motivator who focuses on communication, self-expression and wellbeing. Her passion is to empower people to achieve excellence and transformation from the inside out. To complete your Well-Being Inventory Index and get your detailed personal Health and Wellness Assessment, contact Elisabetta and her team of professional Life Coaches, Psychological Counsellors, Fitness Trainers, Nutritionists, Physicians and Body Therapists.

By Leonardo Talpo – Relationship Counsellor

We say that nobody is perfect therefore it is logical to think that the greater the responsibilities amassed the more opportunity for imperfection.

 Parents have huge responsibilities thus they have much less chance of being perfect. The intention is not to lecture you on how to become perfect because that is impossible, but to remind you that you don’t have to be.
          Every child needs a family; in fact, every human being needs family. The child’s needs are greater because of their moral, emotional, psychological and practical dependency. The most important asset for a child to grow psychologically, morally and socially healthy is the emotional affection better known as love.

A loving family environment is the only condition a family needs to exist.
The key to establishing that ideal environment to nurture our children is connectedness. This is the feeling a child has of belonging, of feeling needed, of being an important and loved member of the family. It is also called bonding, a feeling of being able to trust.
          In order to maintain the ideal family environment, we need to possess skills such as generosity, tolerance, adaptability, understanding, commitment, curiosity and engagement. It is necessary to acquire the capacity to accept the partner and the children for what they are; though they may be different than what we expect. This is not always an easy task, but essential if we want to give the emotional support vital for the child development.

For their development, children need…
They need the respect and protection from parents who listen to them seriously, love them unconditionally, and guide them to become aware of the world. The child, whose integrity is not damaged, will develop intelligence, responsiveness, empathy and sensitivity. They will become people who are able to respect and protect others, including their own children. They will use their power to defend themselves, but not attack; they will be of great service to their own family and an example for a healthy society.
           A study conducted in USA on 12,000 young people, found that those with a strong emotional attachment to parents were less likely to take drugs, drink alcohol, have sex at an early age or engage in violence. In a healthy environment, young people feel safe, valued and listened to. They are more likely to experience emotional well-being and to become resilient and happy adults.
          We have to remember we are not perfect parents, and we don’t have to work hard to pretend we are perfect in the eyes of our children. Parents need to be true and honest and answer in a positive way to life’s challenges and disappointments. That will teach their children that what is really important is the ability to pick oneself up and move on after a difficult time. They will learn that security has nothing to do with being perfect, but in being the best that they can be.

Seek support when you need it.
Because the task of being a parent is often overwhelming and very demanding, we have to accept the need to be educated. Besides learning practical skills on how to be reasonable, functional and useful parents, we also need to contact and develop our emotional intelligence. Often our logic tells us what is correct but we are caught in an incontrollable emotional turmoil and we say or do regrettable words or actions.
           A professional relationships counselor and coach can help you to put things into perspective. While friends can offer invaluable advice, if you sense you cannot handle something serious that bothers your child, it is wise and responsible to seek education and guidance from experts in parenting and relationships areas.

This article is used with the permission and courtesy of MumCentre, where it was originally published in 2005.

Elisabetta Franzoso BA, Dipl.Psych, MSocSc Author of Stella’s Mum Gets Her Groove Back available at bookstores and www.amazon.com
SIGN UP NOW!
Join Elisabetta’s public workshops, Communication in 4Dimensions at Singapore Institute of Management. For further information email info@insideoutyou.com or call 6465 4605.

Elisabetta Franzoso is a highly self-driven coach and motivator who focuses on communication, self-expression and wellbeing. Her passion is to empower people to achieve excellence and transformation from the inside out. To complete your Well-Being Inventory Index and get your detailed personal Health and Wellness Assessment, contact Elisabetta and her team of professional Life Coaches, Psychological Counsellors, Fitness Trainers, Nutritionists, Physicians and Body Therapists.