Why it’s best to establish a strong understanding between lawyer and client.
Lawyer-mediator Rajan Chettiar explores the importance of communication and understanding between you and your lawyer.
Divorce proceedings are often fraught with emotion. It wasn’t until I became involved in my own divorce that I truly understood the client’s position. A family law practitioner is not only a lawyer, they become a confidante, walking the last part of the client’s marriage-ending journey with them. The client often emotionally exposes his most vulnerable self to the lawyer and the lawyer needs to understand the personal traits of the client – background, marriage and the challenges associated with these. While this helps to build a good professional relationship, it also makes it personal. Someone once said to me, “When you really care it shows, and when you pretend to care it also shows.” A family lawyer is a professional with a heart who, from my experience, needs to be empathetic, caring and supportive. We must have a genuine desire to help others. It’s also useful to cultivate skills such as counselling and people management. I believe my compassion and genuine love and deep desire to help others constantly motivates me when practising family law.
Clients often have endless fears, which should be immediately addressed to ease emotional discomfort. This is usually directed in the form of telephone calls, text messages and emails – sometimes after office hours and on weekends. Marital woes typically arise during the evenings and weekends, and clients like to know their lawyer is accessible during those hours. Often divorce lawyers have to serve their clients beyond the call of duty. My clients have all my contact numbers and are encouraged to call me at any time. To the client, their matter is the important case the lawyer is handling. If your lawyer doesn’t have the time, patience or seems disinterested, you’ll only feel frustrated and angry, and probably take your case to another lawyer. The process of building trust within a lawyer-client relationship then has to begin all over again.
Age and life experience often enables a lawyer to help a client effectively. As a divorcee myself, I never hesitate to share my life lessons with my clients. At the same time, I also apply any lessons learned from my clients to my own remarriage. One of the rewards of my position is that I’m constantly reminded of how I should conduct my own marriage and how best to keep it safe and secure. After all, marriage is the most significant life-long relationship in a person’s life – it needs to be nurtured and any hiccups should be promptly attended to.
Rajan Chettiar Commissioner For Oaths, Mediator LLB (Honours), Barrister-at-law (Middle Temple), UK
Protect yourself against family violence
Family violence can be a precursor to divorce proceedings says Lawyer-mediator RAJAN CHETTIAR, who advises how to seek protection before the situation gets out of hand.
The breakdown of a marriage can manifest itself in physical and verbal abuse by one estranged spouse against the other. If you fear for your safety you can consider filing for a Personal Protection Order (PPO) in a Family Court which protects the affected party and their children from a violent spouse. Once filed, the Order is served on the perpetrator – in this case the estranged spouse – and both of you are expected to attend the first court hearing or Mention. During the Mention, Family Court counsellors help you both reach a resolution on the matter. Should a resolution not be met during the counselling session, you’ll both have to go to trial. As an applicant you must prove family violence has been committed or is likely to be committed against you and a PPO is necessary for protection. Family violence can be defined as putting a family member in fear of danger, causing hurt, wrongfully being confined against their will or continuous harassment causing anguish.
So when does verbal abuse or emotional harassment amount to family violence? I once represented a client whose wife accused him of inflicting family violence on her because he sent her about 10 text messages over a few days. The Court decided it wasn’t emotional harassment because their mode of communication was text messaging and occasional quarrels don’t justify the filing of a PPO. More often than not, a PPO application is used as a weapon by one party against the other, such as when faced with child access issues. Ask yourself the following before lodging a PPO application:
• What are the underlying problems? Will a PPO resolve it?
• Can I solve the problem instead of filing for a PPO?
• Was this a one-off incident aggravated by marital conflicts?
• Do I really need protection?
• How will it affect my estranged spouses’ future relationship with me and the children?
• Will filing a PPO aggravate the divorce proceedings?
• What are the underlying problems? Will a PPO resolve it?
• Can I solve the problem instead of filing for a PPO?
• Was this a one-off incident aggravated by marital conflicts?
• Do I really need protection?
• How will it affect my estranged spouses’ future relationship with me and the children?
• Will filing a PPO aggravate the divorce proceedings?
• What’s the cost of a PPO trial in terms of time, money and emotions?
Before applying for a PPO…
Before applying for a PPO…
• Cool down and carefully consider your options.
• Explore other options such as moving out of the matrimonial home or not communicating with your estranged spouse.
• Seek counselling or private mediation. Although in Singapore’s Family Court, mediation services aren’t available for a PPO application.
Rajan Chettiar
Commissioner For Oaths, Mediator LLB (Honours), Barrister-at-law (Middle Temple), UK
How to establish the right grounds for divorce
Lawyer-mediator RAJAN CHETTIAR explains how establishing the right grounds for divorce can minimise drama and maximise amicability. 
When you petition for a divorce, you’ll need to state the reason behind your intentions. Even if you and your estranged spouse have mutually consented to the divorce, you’ll need to prove to the Court one or more of the following has happened to cause the end of your marriage – unreasonable behaviour, adultery, desertion or separation.
Unreasonable behaviour is the most common and accepted grounds for a divorce. Although it may sound somewhat offensive it doesn’t caste any imputations on you or your estranged spouse’s character, personality or conduct. It also doesn’t affect either of you personally, professionally and your immigration status in Singapore will not change.
All you have to do is demonstrate behaviour unreasonable to you – it doesn’t have to be an extreme example. This is usually easy to gather because in most marriages it’s likely you’ve found your estranged spouses’ behaviour unreasonable at some point. Evidence of unreasonable behaviour is not initially required when you contemplate a divorce because most divorce cases don’t lead to a trial in the Singapore Family Court. Contested divorce cases are often mediated in the Family Court and result in consensual divorce orders.
Grounds for divorce don’t allow you or your estranged spouse to enjoy a larger pay out. It’s common for spouses who are sued for divorce to contest the proceedings initially, which can lead to ugly Court battles. However, after filing their responses in the proceedings, they usually decide not to contest during mediation.
During divorce mediation, the Judge mediator and the solicitors will consider the divorce writ and counterclaim filed by both you and your estranged spouse. You’ll both be asked to consider proceeding on the claims filed so as to achieve an uncontested divorce order against each other. If you or your estranged spouse decide to contest the divorce proceedings without filing a counterclaim, you may be asked to withdraw your defence and consider making amendments to the divorce writ. Once you both agree the amendments to the divorce writ, you can obtain an uncontested divorce order. Eventually, the Family Court’s objective is to assist both sides to obtain an amicable divorce, which is often the wish of both parties going through the divorce, once emotions subside and they are ready to move on with their lives.
Rajan Chettiar
Commissioner For Oaths, Mediator LLB (Honours), Barrister-at-law (Middle Temple), UK
Common misconceptions on divorce, annulment and separation demystified
Lawyer-mediator RAJAN CHETTIAR demystifies common misconceptions on the various legal options available when ending a marriage.
The number three seems to play a significant role in family law. To be eligible to file for divorce, a couple must be married for at least three years. If you’re a foreigner, you must have lived in Singapore for three continuous years before you’re eligible to file for divorce here. If you’ve left the country at any point in the three years, you’ll be disqualified. Many couples today still try to file for divorce before their third year of marriage. To gain permission to file for a divorce in the first three years of marriage, you must prove exceptional hardship. If one party is medically certified to be suffering mentally from being in the marriage, the court is usually lenient and a quick divorce may be granted. However, most clients are unable to obtain such evidence.
Another option is to file for annulment, provided you didn’t celebrate a customary wedding such as a church service or other religious ceremony. In this case, you will be asked to show evidence that you refused to undergo a customary ceremony. However, if you and your spouse didn’t intend on a customary marriage celebration in the first place, you can’t use this as grounds to annul the marriage. Annulment can also be exercised if one party refuses to consummate the marriage. This will have to be backed up by medical evidence to prove non-consummation.
Another ground for divorce is separation. The minimum separation period in Singapore is three continuous years. Many are under the misconception that you must physically live away from each other during this separation period. In fact, you can live under the same roof with your estranged spouse as long as you occupy separate bedrooms and live completely separate lives.
Separation and divorce are often misinterpreted. Separation is not an order granted by the Family Court. Divorce is. You don’t have to sign a Deed of Separation before filing for divorce. After fulfilling the required separation period, a marriage is not immediately terminated although you can now file for divorce based on the fact of separation. Don’t backdate the period of separation. It’s in your best interest and legally required to complete the three continuous years of separation before deciding to officially file for divorce.
Separation and divorce are often misinterpreted. Separation is not an order granted by the Family Court. Divorce is. You don’t have to sign a Deed of Separation before filing for divorce. After fulfilling the required separation period, a marriage is not immediately terminated although you can now file for divorce based on the fact of separation. Don’t backdate the period of separation. It’s in your best interest and legally required to complete the three continuous years of separation before deciding to officially file for divorce.
Rajan Chettiar
Commissioner For Oaths, Mediator LLB (Honours), Barrister-at-law (Middle Temple), UK
Ways to maintain a healthy client-lawyer relationship
Lawyer-mediator RAJAN CHETTIAR advises on the importance of a healthy client-lawyer relationship.
After specialising in family law for over eight years, I’m constantly reminded of the vital role a lawyer plays in a client’s divorce proceedings. You and your family lawyer quickly build rapport and establish a personal relationship and this is why it’s important to choose a knowledgeable, competent and compassionate lawyer who understands you and your case. A typical professional relationship should take into account the following:Lawyer’s duties:
• Understands and addresses your concerns
• Be a confidante, counsellor and friend
• Provide support, especially when you’re vulnerable
• Show patience, empathy and compassion
• Treat your problems with sincerity and sensitivity
• Give sound advice and act professionally
• Clearly explain the pros and cons of all legal instructions
Client’s duties:
• Outline your objectives and desired outcome
• Trust in your lawyer’s advice and good intentions
• Clarify any doubts and understand legal advice being given
• Allow space and time for your lawyer to develop your case
• Recognise the value of the legal services and don’t attempt to obtain a discount.
• Don’t impose your negative emotions on your lawyer.
• Listen to your lawyer, not your friends and relatives.
Divorce proceedings are usually stressful and emotional.You will experience apprehension, worry and fear – some real, others perceived. This is why trusting your lawyer’s experience is paramount. More often than not, fears will be fuelled by ad-hoc comments from family and friends who may or may not have experienced similar scenarios. As no two cases are the same it’s best to take heed and listen to an expert.
An experienced lawyer will also be able to handle extreme behaviour or bullish tactics from your spouse and provide reassurance if you become impatient over the inevitability of slow court proceedings. So, in essence a healthy client-lawyer relationship is one which allows both parties to work on the case effectively and efficiently while respecting each other’s space, boundaries, wisdom and professionalism.
Rajan Chettiar
Commissioner for Oaths, Mediator LLB (Honours), Barrister-at-law (Middle Temple), UK
Selecting the right family lawyer to represent you
Lawyer-mediator RAJAN CHETTIAR gives top tips on how to select the right family lawyer to represent you.
One in 10 divorce cases require a lawyer to perform at least minimum work, however it’s impossible for lawyers to predict how a divorce will proceed, which makes it difficult for them to let a client know how much proceedings will cost ahead of the case. An upfront quotation for legal services’ fees usually represents an estimated amount, however, this will invariably be revised due to any number of circumstances. For example, your case may be contested or may not be straightforward for some other reason. Legal services in Singapore are relatively inexpensive compared to other jurisdictions. Although court proceedings can appear costly, clients should appreciate the value of legal services in Singapore. Without necessarily being a specialist, a Singaporean lawyer has the option to practise family law here as no accreditation is required. There are both pros and cons associated with this so consider the following when looking for representation:
When selecting an ideal family lawyer…
• Enquire about the practice Most Singaporean lawyers offer family law as part of their litigation practice so they may not be specialised in family law. In such a context, you must decide if you want to be represented by a litigation lawyer or a family law specialist.
• Enquire on experience It’s best to hire a lawyer who’s experienced in both simple uncontested divorce cases and complex cases.
• Look for hard and soft skills Many feel lawyers must be litigious in nature. However, the practice of family law is different from other areas of civil litigation and it’s best to hire a family lawyer who possesses soft and hard skills. Soft skills are especially necessary during negotiation and mediation sessions. If your family lawyer is a fighter, he or she may prefer to litigate every issue in Court instead of exploring mediation or other forms of settlements. This may not always be the best solution especially if you want to establish an amicable relationship with your ex-spouse for the sake of your children. Further litigation also escalates your legal costs.
• Establish a synergetic relationship Once your lawyer has established a legal strategy based on your circumstances, ensure you address any additional objectives you have and check on any revised strategy. In the end, your lawyer’s advice should fit well with your desired result.
• Ensure your lawyer is easy to contact and prompt with his replies.
• Level of involvement If your lawyer is one of a team, check on his actual involvement in the case. And if you wish to be actively involved in the drafting of the correspondence and Court documents, make sure your lawyer is open to this.
Rajan Chettiar
Commissioner for Oaths, Mediator LLB (Honours), Barrister-at-law (Middle Temple), UK
Commissioner for Oaths, Mediator LLB (Honours), Barrister-at-law (Middle Temple), UK
Consult a family lawyer before you decide on divorce
Lawyer-mediator RAJAN CHETTIAR explains the benefits of consulting a lawyer specialising in Family Law, before deciding upon a divorce.
When facing a divorce, it’s common to feel troubled, stressed and confused and have a lot of questions. While the Internet has an abundance of information and friends are often willing to lend a listening ear and offer advice, it’s always best to speak to a lawyer who specialises in Family Law.
Remember, as helpful as friends can be, advice from friends or family members who’ve experienced divorce must be taken lightly. No two sets of marital problems or circumstances are the same even if they sound alike. As such, every situation needs to be handled differently.
Also, whatever you read on the Internet cannot draw a full and accurate picture of divorce laws and processes. In reality, nothing beats sound legal advice from a good family lawyer, one who understands your cultural nuances, empathises with you and can offer practical solutions.
Also, whatever you read on the Internet cannot draw a full and accurate picture of divorce laws and processes. In reality, nothing beats sound legal advice from a good family lawyer, one who understands your cultural nuances, empathises with you and can offer practical solutions.
Even if you are yet to decide whether to file for divorce, an appointment with a lawyer specialising in Family Law can help you clarify your thoughts and position. Prior to your appointment, list all your questions and doubts – no matter how silly you may think they sound. This is the only way to receive the answers you need. After the consultation you may have further questions, which your family lawyer should be willing to answer via email or by telephone. Once you’re clear about the legal and practical implications of your martial woes you’re sure to feel less stressed and more “in control” of the situation.
The length of divorce proceedings depends on your filing date, but the shortest timeframe is likely to be six months. When comparing the fees charged by different lawyers, always check the scope of services the fee covers. Costs usually depend on the seniority of the lawyer and some may charge by the hour. While it’s difficult for a lawyer to give you an exact quote, they should be able to give you a cost range to help you make your decision. Remember, cheaper options may not include certain stages of Court proceedings and trials. So always check estimates thoroughly before making your final selection.
Rajan Chettiar
Commissioner for Oaths, Mediator LLB (Honours), Barrister-at-law (Middle Temple), UK
Commissioner for Oaths, Mediator LLB (Honours), Barrister-at-law (Middle Temple), UK
Mediation: your step-by-step guide
Lawyer-mediator RAJAN CHETTIAR outlines the mediation process step-by-step.
Before
• Have sufficient rest.
• Prepare a list of the issues you want to raise during the session.
• Have copies of documents you need to refer to during the session.
• Consider the solutions you’re willing to accept and reject, and list your reasons for doing so.
During
• Attend with an open mind.
• Set aside your emotions and past events. Be calm and concentrate on resolving the issues with the objective of moving forward.
• Be polite and civil to your ex-spouse, maintaining eye contact and cordial body language.
• Use neutral language.
• Make note of the issues raised by your ex-spouse and the mediator.
• Listen to what your ex-spouse has to say without any interruption. You will get a turn to have your say.
• Consider what the mediator has to say.
• Request a break if you need to compose yourself or think through certain issues.
• Be ready to compromise. Mediation is not about getting what you want.
• Request for time to consider the issues discussed and consider returning for another session.
• Mediation is a process, so it may take more than one session to reach a conclusion.
• Either party can end the session at any point for any reason by informing the mediator.
After
• Consider your options carefully and thoroughly – seek legal advice to help you decide.
• To understand your perceptions of the session, remind yourself of your objectives for adopting mediation.
It’s not compulsory to have a lawyer present during the mediation session but if you need advice and your solicitor is unable to attend, you can consult with him or her via telephone during the session. By giving your best during mediation to resolve issues amicably you’ll minimise any emotional agony, save on legal costs and be able to move on quickly with your life.
Rajan Chettiar
Commissioner for Oaths, Mediator LLB (Honours), Barrister-at-law (Middle Temple), UK
Commissioner for Oaths, Mediator LLB (Honours), Barrister-at-law (Middle Temple), UK
Engaging a lawyer-mediator to negotiate your divorce settlement
Lawyer RAJAN CHETTIAR explains why engaging a lawyer-mediator to conduct your pre-filing mediation sessions is best for you, your ex-spouse and your children.
Before filing for divorce, it’s advisable for you and your ex-spouse to attend a pre-filing mediation session to address your interests and needs, and those of your children. A mediation session conducted by trained lawyers reduces emotional stress and overall cost. And as it aims to assist you in reaching an amicable agreement, it also allows you to maintain a good relationship with your ex. Should mediation fail, your lawyer-mediator is also able to legally advise both of you on the next steps and suggest other options. And because your lawyer-mediator is able to give you insight into “worst case” scenarios and help you consider all legal aspects of your agreement during mediation, future complications are typically minimised.
Before filing for divorce, it’s advisable for you and your ex-spouse to attend a pre-filing mediation session to address your interests and needs, and those of your children. A mediation session conducted by trained lawyers reduces emotional stress and overall cost. And as it aims to assist you in reaching an amicable agreement, it also allows you to maintain a good relationship with your ex. Should mediation fail, your lawyer-mediator is also able to legally advise both of you on the next steps and suggest other options. And because your lawyer-mediator is able to give you insight into “worst case” scenarios and help you consider all legal aspects of your agreement during mediation, future complications are typically minimised.
When you and your ex-spouse attend Court mediation after filing for divorce, acrimony and positions are usually entrenched, tainting the mood of mediation. As a result, both of you might feel you’re better off litigating the matter rather than mediating. Sometimes the options considered during mediation may not sound as attractive to you as possible legal remedies. If you feel pre-filing mediation is not what you’re after, you can always seek the services of a traditional lawyer and settle your divorce through litigation. But by doing so you do risk the possibility of receiving an unfavourable resolution, or incurring further legal costs.
Although popular in other parts of the world, lawyer-mediators are still far and few between in Singapore. Some lawyers are against the idea of becoming mediators. By virtue of their training, lawyers believe they’re best equipped to provide legal solutions through litigation or through drafting of agreements and also feel they might lose out financially if clients chose to mediate instead of litigate.
This mindset can only be changed through education.
This mindset can only be changed through education.
Rajan’s Take
I conduct mediation because…
• Clients reach a win-win situation in a cost-effective and non-adversarial manner.
• Clients with children are able to maintain a cordial relationship, allowing them to continue loving and effective co-parenting.
• Satisfied clients are able to raise well-adjusted and happy children. When children see divorced parents form an amicable relationship, they’re able to enjoy fulfilling and healthy relationships with their parents – and their future spouses and families.
• Satisfied clients are able to raise well-adjusted and happy children. When children see divorced parents form an amicable relationship, they’re able to enjoy fulfilling and healthy relationships with their parents – and their future spouses and families.
Rajan Chettiar
Commissioner for Oaths, Mediator LLB (Honours), Barrister-at-law (Middle Temple), UK
Commissioner for Oaths, Mediator LLB (Honours), Barrister-at-law (Middle Temple), UK
What to expect from a mediation session
Lawyer RAJAN CHETTIAR explains what to expect from a mediation session with your estranged spouse.
Once you and your ex-spouse have mutually appointed a mediator and arranged the first session, it’s very likely the mediator will make a request for background information. This will include your personal particulars and details of any issues you currently disagree on. The actual mediation session will then be conducted as follows:
Introduction by mediator You and your ex-spouse will be briefed on the mediation process. You’ll be advised that your sessions are confidential and you’re not bound by the issues raised or any positions taken. You remain free to change your mind and any future proceedings commenced in the Family Court will not be affected by your discussions, or the outcome of the mediation session.
Your mediator will also inform you he or she will not assume a judicial position. The mediator’s role is merely to facilitate and assist you in reaching a settlement beneficial for both parties. While the mediator will not help either of you create solutions to your issues, he or she will evaluate the options available so you can explore further alternative solutions. Your mediator will also remind you he or she is neutral to the process and has no personal or vested interest in the outcome.
Introduction by parties This is usually the first opportunity you and your ex-spouse will have to talk in a neutral environment so it’s the perfect time for each of you to share your side of the story. Feel free to express your views and any feelings surrounding your issues, always stating your supporting reasons. Make the most out of this valuable opportunity to understand one another’s views and positions.
Summary of parties’ positions The mediator will verify the accuracy of his or her understanding of both your positions and seek clarification on any doubts. He or she will also devise a mediation agenda, outlining the main issues to be discussed at your next meeting.
Exploration of issues This forms the crux of the session, where the mediator helps you and your ex-spouse delve a little bit deeper into your issues. Options put forth by both sides will be considered and the mediator may assist you in testing the viability of each suggestion. He or she may also recommend alternative solutions and compromises.
Following your meeting, there will be an opportunity for you and your ex-spouse to have private sessions with the mediator, followed by a joint session – where a suitable conclusion will be mutually decided.
Rajan Chettiar
Commissioner for Oaths, Mediator LLB (Honours), Barrister-at-law (Middle Temple), UK
