Facing a child visitation dilemma? Fight for your rights without the drama, advises lawyer RAJAN CHETTIAR.

If you’re a father who doesn’t have sole custody – or care and control – over your children, you might have problems such as:

·         Your child informs you he or she does not wish to see you, is unavailable, or does not wish to stay with you overnight.

·         Your ex-wife reports your child is unwell or unavailable due to various reasons.

         
          This can be incredibly frustrating and you may think your ex-wife is preventing access, or even “turning” your child against you. If the situation worsens, you may end up with limited or no access to your child. 
          Since access issues are driven by emotions, the law cannot provide a concrete solution. Fathers can seek redress at the Family Court. But should your ex-wife choose to air her grievances, you could be faced with a lawsuit – and the problem may still not be resolved. The Family Court can order mediation or counselling, where the mediator will try hard to find an amicable situation. But if the result is poorer than the previous court order such as reduced access for the father, or supervised visits with a social worker or the mother’s relative present, you are sure to become even more frustrated.

            Resolving child access problems is emotional and time consuming. It’s important both parents bear in mind the person who reaps the most benefit from child access is the child. It is in your child’s best interests to build a strong, healthy bond with both of you. This is imperative if your child is to become a well-balanced individual, able to enjoy healthy relationships in the future. It’s also important for both you and your ex-spouse to realise your problems are with each other, not your child. As such, any disagreements are separate from your individual relationships with your child. It is your duty as parents to resolve conflict in a constructive manner. In this way, everyone – you, your ex-spouse and most importantly, your child – can move towards acceptance of your new family dynamic.

Action plan

There is always an underlying cause to child access issues. Resolution may take time, so while you’re exploring the cause consider an alternative form of child access to avoid disappointing your child.

Rajan Chettiar
Commissioner for Oaths, Mediator LLB (Honours), Barrister-at-law (Middle Temple), UK