Anger is a natural and powerful emotion, but often times, people don’t express anger. Many are afraid of anger and they simply live a life judging it as an emotion to be avoided or pushed away.
Indeed anger has a way of expressing itself on its own. Letting anger express itself freely is unhealthy and can have negative consequences not only for the ones living around you but for yourself as well.
          A person who lets his anger express out of control (and myself - I was one of those!) can certainly tell you how draining it is afterward. It can be physically, intellectually and emotionally tiring, and often it leads to a real emotional breakdown.
          This is why, it is important to express our anger in a way where we are in control of the this powerful emotions, and not the other way around. This is where assertiveness skills and learning how to be assertive comes into play.

What is Assertiveness? 
What is assertive? What does being assertive mean to you? Some think of assertiveness as being over bearing. There are many others on the contrary who identify assertiveness with being strong and in charge of circumstances and events.
           I believe that it is important to point out the huge and relevant difference between expressing anger assertively and expressing it aggressively.
           Assertive communication skills have to do first with taking responsibility of (recognizing and admitting) the angry feelings which dwells in each of us as human beings; second with expressing how ‘you feel’ while being in control of those feelings. Being assertive in expressing anger means being able to tell the subject of your anger what you want and need and what they can do to help you resolve the underlying issue that is causing you anger or frustration.
           Communicating this clearly is always better than getting into a tirade of eruptive behaviors. Remember: avoiding communicating your anger in an assertive way can be a possible alternative too. You better ask yourself though if this choice will lead you to dissipate the anger in you or to build more of it in your physical being.

Managing Anger using Assertiveness Skills
Often we become angry because we do not like the way situations have been handled or we do not appreciate the way we are being treated. Instead of getting haphazardly angry, you can try to communicate in honesty with the other person about the situation. Perhaps, the other person is unaware of your needs or is unaware that he/she is upsetting you. You have nothing to lose by being assertive and explaining your point of view and what you want.
          Using assertiveness skills in this way means being able to master your emotions and to express such emotions in rational manners. Being composed and logic ensures that you get your point across without getting your anger across as well.
          Of course, it will always be challenging to think straight when one is angry or deeply irritated. It may temporarily take a sort of what I call ‘time out’ and apply some anger management techniques instead! It may feel good to lash out at someone in anger, but this is the challenge and art of mastering assertiveness.
          Developing assertiveness skills will take time, but the more you use assertive communication skills in dealing with anger, the better your assertiveness skills will get. Like most life skills, assertiveness skills can be developed or enhanced over time.
          And once you learn how to calmly assert yourself, it will take a life of its own. It will enable you to express yourself confidently, clarify your healthy boundaries in couple, and allow you to get what you want without resorting to whining, childish behaviors, and more importantly, getting into excessive fits of anger or frustration.
          Most of all it will make you capable to become deeply honest with yourself first and then with those around you. And…..believe it or not it will make you gain respect and love in family and at work. 

 
Elisabetta Franzoso BA, Dipl.Psych, MSocSc Author of Stella’s Mum Gets Her Groove Back available at bookstores and www.amazon.com
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Elisabetta Franzoso is a highly self-driven coach and motivator who focuses on communication, self-expression and wellbeing. Her passion is to empower people to achieve excellence and transformation from the inside out. To complete your Well-Being Inventory Index and get your detailed personal Health and Wellness Assessment, contact Elisabetta and her team of professional Life Coaches, Psychological Counsellors, Fitness Trainers, Nutritionists, Physicians and Body Therapists.